I like being told what to do sometimes. It gives me something to maybe not do, because there are so many things I have to do - if I don't do those things then I have to wear my bathrobe to the grocery store, or I will lose my job, or the state will step in and take my chickens away. I once signed up for continuing ed Spanish class so that I had something I could skip.
I am also interested in diets. Not in going on one, just the philosophy of them. I especially like the ones that talk about food a lot.
And so I love it when one of my cooking magazines tells me to go on a diet and gives me a whole week of menus. 21 meals that someone else has planned! I dig that.
Recently there was a Vegan diet in (go figure) Vegetarian Times. I looked at the week's worth of food and decided that everything looked delicious and undisgusting. In fact, it looked like what I eat anyway (if you add a lot of ice cream).
So I am on Day Two of being vegan. At this rate it will take me a month and a half to get through the 21 meals. It is not easy to eat pre-planned meals when you spend your time going from party to party. And although I like the idea of prancing around saying "I'm sorry, I'm vegan this week" I don't like the idea of missing out on the potato salad.
Today I had fresh fruit and whole wheat toast (no butter) for breakfast. And then I took the kids to lunch and was halfway through the tomato, basil, mozzarella sandwich when I remembered that I'm vegan. Fresh mozzarella counts as vegan, yes? And from there I took Lucy to a birthday party and - can you make birthday cake without eggs?
The vegan cakes would have been at yesterday's party, not today's. Today as I walked through their breezeway/mudroom and looked into their backyard, I thought oh, there's a pool! Why didn't they tell us to bring our bathingsuits? Maybe it's not their pool - right, see, there's the fence and what looks to be the neighbor's house - no, that's not the neighbor's house, that's the pool house....
I spent the afternoon eying the pool while chatting with one of the other moms.
The other mom, as it turns out, is the mother of Lucy's arch-rival at preschool. She has STOLEN Lucy's best best best friend (and come to her party). I act all nice and stuff to the mom, but I spend a good bit of time craning to see what she drove so I can let the air out of their tires on my way out. Although that would probably backfire and the offending family would have to have a slumber party at the best best best friend's house while waiting for AAA and the two girls would become even better friends while poor Lucy is home eating her vegan dinner.
It is not easy being the mom who makes everything right by micro-managing the universe. I did, however, score an invitation back - to swim! This is good because I am FRANTIC to get into that pool. It is just not right to stand near a beautiful, sparkling, clear pool in July and not go in.
And maybe, if I stay on this diet for another meal or two, I'll be ready to show up in a bathingsuit and spend the day with a woman who is half my weight.