Today my friend Sue stopped by. I was glad to see her, of course, and then I was extra extra glad to see her because not only is she my friend, she is my house cleaner and it turns out this is her day to clean. Imagine, a house cleaner showing up unexpectedly on the day before Thanksgiving.
She didn't really show up unexpectedly, it's just that pretty much everything happens unexpectedly because we forget that things are expected.
So she's here and we chat about this and that and then both notice that there is an entire spider COMPOUND in the corner above our heads and she says something like "good heavens, does no one clean your house?" And then I have to admit that I don't actually care if she comes and reads a magazine the whole time because for me, having a housecleaner means that if my house is a disgusting pit, it's not my fault. Really, it's just important that people know you have a house cleaner before they come to your house - so they know you didn't clean because it's Not Your Job (and to clean would be stepping on someone else's toes, now wouldn't it?).
And so the obvious next question is, when you are discussing the fact that someone cleans your house, what is the politically correct term for said person? I asked Sue. And she said House Cleaner. But that seems so, you know, pedestrian. So she said anything would be fine. Except maybe "charwoman."
I was thinking of something a little more highbrow, like "domestic" or "the help." I think maidservant may be pushing it. After all, she's my friend and oh, also? she is a better person than I am. For one thing, she probably doesn't have one-sided conversations with her invisible friends regarding what to call someone who graciously drops by and cleans one's house when one is out of one's mind with Thanksgiving preparations and is therefore napping on the couch. And she doesn't look around the house and tell me she'll come back when I am slightly more prepared (ie. there are available surfaces ready to be cleaned).
So it has to be highbrow for her as well as for me. I just want to sound ever so slightly sophisticated when I mention that I am employing a personal household assistant. But will people be completely clear that SHE is the one responsible for the continued well-being of my spiders?
To be fair, I'll probably have to claim responsibility for having just covered my kitchen in whipped egg whites. Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy the pie.