‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

I just got this email:
Prettiest Moms
Once you have been hit, you have to hit 5 pretty Moms. Including the one who thought of YOU today & sent it to YOU...If you get hit again, You will know you are Really pretty! So hit 5 pretty moms on your friends list to let them know they are pretty!*
There was more, of course, about how great it is to be summoned to a bedside five billion times in the same five minute span to tuck me in get me water i love you there's a new fish at school. But really, I couldn't get past the Prettiest Moms part.

Let's review.
  • I am still carrying around some baby weight. Okay, it's not baby weight. I had gotten a little plump before I got pregnant, but I will not admit it out loud to anyone other than the entire world via the internet and for all intents and purposes it is "baby weight."
  • When I try to do my hair I lose all the blood in my arms from holding the blow dryer and am cranky for the next three weeks. So I don't. Instead I have perpetually wet hair, and I need a haircut.
  • I last bought new clothes sometime in the 80's.

I happen to know lots of pretty moms. Not sure how this can be, as they really should be looking more bedraggled. It's only fair. The one who sent this to me is unbelievable. Not only is she a size zero, but when you look at her wedding pictures you think, but wait, you're Even Prettier now. It's not right, I tell you.

So then, in a flash of shallowness I checked the list to see who else she sent the email to. Pretty, pretty, pretty, and pretty. It's absurd to be in such company.

Let's review some more.
  • I have not had cosmetic surgery of any kind. Heck, I haven't even had my brows waxed in ages.
  • I was going to have a luxurious soak tonight but when the kids had their bath Studley pooped in the tub. Instead of bathing I'll be boiling my bathtub in bleach and then setting fire to it.
So I'm puzzled. Maybe it's not about liposuction, salon highlights and wondrous exfoliating products. Maybe loving someone more than you love yourself actually makes you more radiant.

Which makes me wonder WHY HAVEN'T MORE PEOPLE SENT ME THIS EMAIL???

Because if maintaining one's grace while being barfed on is the gold standard for beauty, I'm freaking stunning.

*the assumption is that if you are pretty you do not know how to punctuate. Also, I do not think they mean hit in the "strike with force" sense, much as one sometimes wants to.

4 comments:

rain said...

I have never gotten a "pretty" e-mail. I am the short chubby gal surrounded by thin stylin friends. But last week I got myself a present. Just a little one. It starts with b and ends with x and no one knows but you....good bye worrisome furrow between the brows (which are waxed on a semi-regular basis! I have no idea what you look like, but you sound pretty. Very.

thefoodsnob said...

I have to say, when I get e-mails that are forwards, I NEVER read them and always delete them.
Maintaining your grace while being barfed on, IS the gold standard for beauty, didn't you know that?!

Lisa

Lois B said...

Susan, You are one of THE Most beautiful women I know. I often wonder what my dear brother did right in his life to deserve anyone so great and special and beautiful. I can say that because I know it won't really go to your head. You will just say it does.

Susan said...

That baited hook tossed into the sea of compliments is really paying off.

Rain, your children are darling so obviously you must be very, very lovely.

Lisa, I tend to delete them too - unless the subject line is alluringly complimentary. Then I can't resist.

Lois, I think I might cry now. And btw, I wonder that too ;)