Prettiest MomsThere was more, of course, about how great it is to be summoned to a bedside five billion times in the same five minute span to tuck me in get me water i love you there's a new fish at school. But really, I couldn't get past the Prettiest Moms part.
Once you have been hit, you have to hit 5 pretty Moms. Including the one who thought of YOU today & sent it to YOU...If you get hit again, You will know you are Really pretty! So hit 5 pretty moms on your friends list to let them know they are pretty!*
- I am still carrying around some baby weight. Okay, it's not baby weight. I had gotten a little plump before I got pregnant, but I will not admit it out loud to anyone other than the entire world via the internet and for all intents and purposes it is "baby weight."
- When I try to do my hair I lose all the blood in my arms from holding the blow dryer and am cranky for the next three weeks. So I don't. Instead I have perpetually wet hair, and I need a haircut.
- I last bought new clothes sometime in the 80's.
I happen to know lots of pretty moms. Not sure how this can be, as they really should be looking more bedraggled. It's only fair. The one who sent this to me is unbelievable. Not only is she a size zero, but when you look at her wedding pictures you think, but wait, you're Even Prettier now. It's not right, I tell you.
So then, in a flash of shallowness I checked the list to see who else she sent the email to. Pretty, pretty, pretty, and pretty. It's absurd to be in such company.
Let's review some more.
- I have not had cosmetic surgery of any kind. Heck, I haven't even had my brows waxed in ages.
- I was going to have a luxurious soak tonight but when the kids had their bath Studley pooped in the tub. Instead of bathing I'll be boiling my bathtub in bleach and then setting fire to it.
Which makes me wonder WHY HAVEN'T MORE PEOPLE SENT ME THIS EMAIL???
Because if maintaining one's grace while being barfed on is the gold standard for beauty, I'm freaking stunning.
*the assumption is that if you are pretty you do not know how to punctuate. Also, I do not think they mean hit in the "strike with force" sense, much as one sometimes wants to.