I figured since today I was going to be on the Upper Cape (weirdly that's the south part of the Cape), I might as well make a day of it. So I dropped off the kids at a play date just over the canal and then headed back over the bridge for an appointment.
That's when I noticed traffic was backed up and stopped from every direction, which was bad. It wasn't bad because it would make me late for my appointment. It was bad because that's the way I planned to travel with the kids in a couple hours to go to the Barnstable County Fair. And the fact that it was backed up meant that there were lots of people thinking about getting a good seat for Village People even before I was - which is unthinkable because I never think about doing anything in advance and here I was, thinking. Traffic did thin out after the rotary, but still, it made me nervous.
So after the appointment I skidded back into the play date driveway yelling "gotta go!" And then I piled kids into the car and careened over the canal yet a fourth time. We hit very little traffic and arrived at the fairgrounds a full.... oh dear will you look at the time..... FOUR HOURS before the show.
This show, mind you, was something I was only marginally interested in. As a novelty. At least that's what I was telling myself all week as I made plans to go. I'll just go see how bad it is. How to explain getting there so early? No idea.
Fortunately there was plenty to keep us busy. I picked up some flyers on how to raise llamas, sheep and goats so I could leave them around the house and frighten Chris. And there were rides, oh lord have mercy were there rides.
Here's a bit of whateverness for you. Lucy, who will not say boo to a goose and won't let me read Raggedy Ann because it's too scary, is a total thrill seeker. She will go on any ride they will let her on. Always has. Studley, the gregarious one, is not. He went on the rides, but only because Lucy was going and he figured they may just as well die together. We spent $45 on rides. And then we went in search of food and figured we'd have a picnic on the lawn where the concert was going to be.
We rounded the corner with our armloads of fried goodness and low and behold, the lawn was packed. Packed! People Actually Want to See Village People! On purpose! We negotiated two and a half square feet and had our picnic. Lucy asked for ice cream and I told her we were just going to listen to a few songs and then go, to which about six people around us nodded agreement. "We're so out of here," they said.
And then Village People appeared and I totally lost my mind. I'm here to tell you, they look good from a distance. Let us not forget that they were a boy band in the seventies, so I wouldn't get to close, but dang, they can dance. And ridicule themselves. I like a band that can ridicule itself. I like pretty much anything that ridicules itself. It saves me so much time and effort.
Where was I? Oh right, singing the four words I know to the songs I recognized. Let's see, there's Macho Man, In the Navy, Go West and of course, YMCA. They were a bit before my time, so I can't be expected to know all of them. They did not insist on playing new horrible material, implying that they were currently relevant, thank goodness. Just play that disco beat and keep lip synching, please.
For their finale they gave us a tutorial on the YMCA thing. It's the M that gives people difficulty. The M should be made in front of the chest, not over the head. They will stop the song if you do it wrong.
Yes, we stayed for the last song. Mostly. We were sort of walking out of the fairgrounds during YMCA but only because someone needed to go to the potty and it wasn't the one singing along. CAN SHE NOT HOLD IT FOUR MINUTES? Five year olds these days. You just can't take them to a concert featuring Who are the People in your Neighborhood Strippers like you used to.