Last night, for the first time in, oh, 6 weeks, Chris had the night off. And since I've missed seeing him, I said "hi honey - here are the kids. Byeeeeee!" and went off with a couple friends for a girls night out. Because how do you strengthen a marriage? By spending a little time by yourself after very long stretches of time spent by yourself. (It makes sense if you don't think about it too hard.) (Kind of like how if you speak German you can understand Dutch but not if you pay attention.)
(No really, it is.)
So I careened out the driveway and we went to Mac's Shack for dinner. We ate oysters and sushi and beet salad and then we giggled and talked about boys and did each other's hair. Not really but we should have because it's a girls night out after all. And when we could not eat so much as one speck of roe more, we walked down the street to hear some music at The Juice.
And who is at the Juice? Chris.
I think "YOU BOOGER! You are supposed to be home being miserable with the kids and instead you go OUT WITH THEM and not only are you out with them, YOU BROUGHT THEM TO WHERE I WANT TO BE! GAH!"
I did not say any of that out loud. I didn't say it out loud because I was busy noticing that Lucy was playing with a friend. A friend who is not from here. A friend whose parents are our friends and who are also at the Juice, talking to some of my other friends and... good grief why is my mother at my girls night out?
That's when I realized that Chris was ruining my night out on purpose, by throwing me a surprise party. It didn't take more than twenty minutes to put it all together, because I am sharp as a toaster.
And you may not believe this, but Howard Zinn crashed my party. Right, okay, so it may have looked like he just happened to be having dinner at the same restaurant as my party, but I'm not falling for it. If he's going to stalk me like this I should probably read more of his books. Yeah I know, I've mentioned him a few times and YES I took a picture of him once with my phone when he wasn't looking (one hopes) and there may be some sense in asking "who is stalking who, here?" but whatever.
And if I confronted him with the crashing of my party, he would probably just deny it and say something like "I'm sorry, have we met?" And I would be all "Yes! Yes Mr. Zinn we met just last week when I just happened to be at the breakfast place I heard your son was taking you to...." But the denial would be no great surprise because it would be just like what everybody else has been doing. Everybody else who has been Lying To Me repeatedly and with gusto over the last couple of weeks. My friends and family are sneaky buggers and cannot be trusted. Oh the lies. The deception. The Cake.
They didn't have to go to all that trouble lying to me. They could have just said, "Susan, we want to have a party in a perfectly magical clamshell-bestrewn courtyard with umbrellas and twinkly lights and candles and music and lots of your friends - would you like to come?" and I would have obliged. Actually, I might have said "is it catered?" and of course it is so then I would have obliged. I am very reasonable.
The sad thing about this is that I am the worst person alive when it comes to remembering people's birthdays. The Worst. I am resolving right now to be better but who am I kidding? Right after my birthday is over I think oh for crying out loud I am an adult what is the big deal with birthdays anyway? And then August rolls around again and I'm all LOOK AT ME IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
or at least it was. Now I think it should be someone else's turn for a little while. And they should share their cake with me.
I'm looking at you, Virgos. Share it evenly, now.