‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Monday, September 22, 2008


Does anyone else out there see things when they first wake up? Things that aren't there?

For many years I've had a spider thing going. I was at a party once and a man I was talking to declared himself to be a prophet for some organizational acronym I hadn't heard of. I'd never met a prophet and immediately launched into my tales of waking spiders. How I'd wake up and see them clear as day, what they looked like, what they were doing when I saw them, and how they'd vanish like the Cheshire Cat when I tried to pick them up. I know! I tried to pick up spiders without my baseball glove! Only the sleepy ones, though. Anyway, he looked at me blankly and then said, "I'm a Political Science Professor, not a Professor of Arachnology." Oooh, Prof, not Prophet. Details.

So I still don't know what they're all about, and frankly, I've lost interest. They're like old friends now. I wake up and see them and say, "yeah, you look all real but I'm onto you." I think I read somewhere about Fiona Apple having a spider thing, too, but I might be making that up.

The other thing I see when I wake up sometimes is cracks in my ceiling. Not big cracks, just little ones in the paint. This too has ceased to freak me out.

There's a not-real spider that keeps showing up in a corner of our new bedroom. It's really big, like a daddy long legs on steroids. It does its thing in the corner for a few seconds and then fades to nothing. It was there this morning, and as I watched it, I noticed something different on our ceiling.

Instead of the usual waking-dream cracks, there were stamped hearts covering the surface over my head. Like the spiders, they faded within a few seconds and I was lying there admiring my freshly painted, pristine, white ceiling.

I think I love my house.


edited to add:
I told Chris about how I googled "imaginary spiders" and found a reference to hypnopompic hallucination, which is defined as "a vivid dreamlike hallucination that occurs as one is waking up." The interesting thing, I told Chris, was not that it had a name, but that there was no reference on the page to imaginary spiders.

He went into this big explanation about metadata and tagging and whatever else it is he talks about when I'm not listening properly.

"But," I said (interrupting him as usual), "this means that other people have IMAGINARY SPIDERS AND I AM NOT ALONE."

I'm not sure how I feel about this.


JAbel said...

Staring at people blankly is in the Professors Handbook.I think they have to practice it and pass a test before they can be called Professor.Be happy all you see is imaginary spiders.

cIII said...

Sometimes I see my oldest Daughter, dressed and ready for school. Hair brushed and put into a Pony Tail. Ready for me to make Breakfast.


Susan said...

jabel - I think you have a point there.

ciii - I am very fond of your profile photo. And that thing with your daughter? It's called a hypnopompic hallucination.