‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

up-and-coming recording artist, my eye

Dear New Friends,

We are totally onto you. We know you set up last night's dinner because you wanted to see Trout Towers for yourselves and possibly go home and feel all happy that you are not taking on a home improvement project that approaches the girth and mass of ours. Most people feel that way. Most people, I believe, try not to be living in the house when they tear bits of it down around themselves. At this very moment, Chris is in the dining room, surrounded by pieces of ceiling. Yes, the dining room where we served at least part of our dinner. It would have been hard to fit us all in a room together, what with the shop vac and the construction-sized trash barrels sharing the space. These are things everyone has in their dining room, no? And now the dining room is in the shop vac and trash barrel. It's a lesson in non-duality.

We are onto you and if you try to reschedule another "recording artist meet and greet," we will be checking your references. Also, if you don't know any actual recording artists to bring with you, you should hire a stunt double so it looks more convincing. This artist no-show thing is ridiculous. After all, musicians are the most reliable people we know and always show up when they say they're going to. We set our clocks by them.

Which may be why we're late to everything, but that's a different story.

Here's what we did to prepare for your visit. Chris took a truck full of debris to the dump. He took so much stuff in this load that we worried for his suspension. We also vacuumed our dining and livingroom floors for the first time since moving in. After all, what's the point of doing it more frequently? Our floors are just going to get more bits of house sprinkled all over them. Sometimes we send Jessica II into the kitchen, but we think she's maybe contacting her union representative in protest. This is definitely not what she signed on for.

We tackled some of those trouble spots we've ceased to see - such as the pile of drop cloths on the floor next to the coffee maker. They were there because they were useless - pillowcases do not make good drop clothes, nor do fitted sheets. Fitted sheets are good for getting paint on the bottom of your shoes. The drop cloths that are currently in circulation? We stuffed those under the couch. We hope you didn't notice

I bet you didn't notice the big hole that used to be in our living room wall and was covered for years with a piece of white paper and some thumbtacks. You didn't notice it because Chris is now a drywall super freak. Need anything patched? He's your man. Wish him luck with the ceiling.

Oh, and Lucy's glad you liked her onion dip. She made it by dicing a vidalia onion with a very sharp knife the length of her arm (maybe I should help with that in the future?) and mixing it with two cups of grated cheese and 3/4 cup of mayonnaise. She put it in the mini crock pot I gave her for her birthday, but you can also put it in the oven until it's all melty. Yes, I gave her a crock pot for her birthday. She has absolutely no idea what oddballs we are and thinks this kind of thing is normal. Please do not advise otherwise.

So, we're onto you. We're onto you, but we'd love for you to come by anytime you want. That is, after all, what Trout Towers is all about. Drop cloths and all.

4 comments:

the artist formerly known as james said...

For the record, we left your house and were SO GLAD we had found people who can revel in the organized (?) chaos we also exist in. The fact that you do it with such personality and flair makes all those with ultra tidy, modern, sterile, creepy, how could they possibly LIVE here and have it be so neat people look like the uptight weirdos they likely truly are. And thanks for the invite back! We're holding musician stand in auditions tomorrow at C.O.D HQ.
See you Saturday!
P.S. Not only is a crockpot the perfect gift (for the whole family!), how can anyone question whether or not it compares to something terrifying like Bratz dolls? We can only hope Simon is so lucky on his b day!

Bella said...

our little phoebe exhibits an awful lot of musicality in her manners which makes her a possible up-and-coming artist (probably more up than coming) so does that qualify for a "meet and greet"?

e.m.szuplat said...

i had to go read about jessica I! we just got a roomba too! i've been watching b stand with a beer, a man proudly staring at his maneuvering technology. it seemed like a good ad to me as well, though it clearly points out that roomba is not exactly a time saver since you are all still standing there, watching in amazement. it is however, a hassle saver. no more shop vac for us. (p.s. b wanted to name it too! but we couldn't come up with anything for him.) still, what wonders roomba does. sigh **** :)

Susan said...

afkj - Oh we revel alright. Now please go on about our personality and flair.

Bella - we are ready whenever she is! I believe a very short mic stand is in order.

E - we love our roomba! After a year we finally stopped watching it, but there have been parties here where all action stopped when someone wanted to see the vacuum work. Mesmerizing.