‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Friday, November 7, 2008

transgender guinea pig

Yesterday after dropping the kids off at school, I stood chatting with one of the other moms in the parking lot. "Do you know anyone who would like a guinea pig?" she asked. Short answer: Me. I love furry little critters and I absolutely cannot wait until we are in a pet store and the kids beg "please please please can we get the cute, little, fuzzy, hamster-gerbil-mouse-guinea-pig?" I will be Wonder Mom and let myself be convinced. "Don't tell your father," I'll say.

But this is not the time. Even I know that. My living room has a bag of cat food, a 5 gallon bucket of paint, a gigantic sander, two sets of nesting tables, one set of tv tables, a china cabinet, a craft station, a step stool, a file cabinet and a whole bunch of piles of things IN ADDITION TO the things that are supposed to be in here. Sadly, there is no place for a guinea pig cage. Same goes for the kids' room. Maybe our room, but it would be hard to keep it a secret from Chris in there. Harder, at least. Sometimes he doesn't notice things. He mostly notices when I bring home new handmade bowls for our kitchen. He notices them because he is the dishwasher of the family. So as long as we don't stick the pig in the kitchen sink, we might be okay.

The other mom and I chatted about the guinea pig. Her name is Tiffany, but she's not a girl. "We got two boys, so we wouldn't have baby guinea pigs. But we couldn't tell our daughter that hers was a boy. So it's a girl," she explained.

"Didn't she ask why Tiffany's underpants have a flap in the front?" I asked. The mom said that this has never been a problem. Nor does Tiffany leave the seat up or abandon magazines in the bathroom. She is blending.

I would think that if you were going to give a boy guinea pig a girl's name, you'd choose something a little more universal. Like Ashley, or Evelyn. If the guinea pig were to come live here, I would rename her immediately. I would name her Penny Champagne, after the showgirl we saw in Provincetown. (She's a boy, too.)

So if you are looking for a boy or a girl guinea pig, I know of one who 's particularly accommodating. She is very sweet, likes to eat carrots and will never show up on your porch pregnant and expecting you to raise the babies.

Free to good home.

(For the record, Tiffany is not her real name. Guinea pigs have rights to privacy, too.)


jenrebecc said...

guinea pigs freak me out. i had one when i was a kid and she had a litter of piglets and it set a rather negative tone on my view of pregnancy and birth (ie i was totally and completely grossed out). not to mention, she was a single guinea pig. just her. in the cage. alone. she was like the madonna of rodents. i suppose we must have acquired her pre-fertilized, but i prefer to think of it as a virgin multiple birth event.

btw, my fav boy-dresses-as-girl name is a showgirl named Gretta Grip

JAbel said...

"she was like the madonna of rodents" Now that's funny.It's one of those lines that sticks out.Ranks right up there with the Boston Film critic some years back who called"Shakes the Clown""The Citizen Kane of Alcoholic Clown Movies" Regarding nothing my word verification for this post was wabut

Susan said...

jenrebecc - were you afraid that if you had babies of your own you might eventually eat them? Also, I'm with jabel about the madonna of rodents reference.

Newt said...

There's something so oddly touching about the plight of Tiffany the transgender pig. I hope she finds a loving and understanding home.

Zenmomma said...

I have an unhealthy love for guinea piggies. And for transgendered individuals. This would be a match made in heaven.