‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Monday, February 16, 2009

a letter to Benjamin Moore

Dear Ben,

As you are probably aware, we are repainting Trout Towers. I've borrowed several of your oversized paint samples and am pretty close to making my color decisions.

There's just one problem.

Semolina, which I had chosen for the hall, is really more the color of a manilla envelope. I wanted something a little richer and less utilitarian. So I went back to my big book of paint chips and found the color I want.

It is the color I want, but I cannot bring myself to paint my hallway Nacho Cheese. I just can't. Yes, it is the color of Nacho Cheese. You get points for authenticity. But you did not call my original choice Manilla Envelope or Goldenrod Copy Paper so there is clearly some room for artistic freedom in the naming department.

I'm thinking Elephant Blanket Brocade or Tuscan Piazza Sunflower. They have sunflowers in Tuscan piazzas, right? I can understand why you wouldn't want to call it that if they don't have sunflowers in Tuscan piazzas. I understand that you have standards to uphold. Standards like Tulsa Twilight and Roasted Sesame Seed.

So, who went off the clock between the namings of Roasted Sesame Seed and Nacho Cheese? Is it specifically for man-caves and tv rooms? With bean bag chairs, shag carpet and unidentified smells?

I am trying to create a certain je ne sais quoi here at Trout Towers that does not involve the painting of team logos in my hall. I am relying on your paint to make it happen. Your paint which, I might remind you, is called Aura. Do you see the disconnect? Nacho Cheese Aura is a stain, not a paint.

I rest my case.

Also, New Hope Gray is an oxymoron.

10 comments:

JAbel said...

Do they have a Velveeta color or is that to close to nacho cheese.Or maybe something like roasted root vegetable jus.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I have actually seen and considered BM's Nacho Cheese! I want a job naming colors, it seems like there's a lot of creative license involved. Plus it's a job you could do while drinking wine and giggling, which is a plus.

patty said...

If I were you, I'd hold out for Nacho Cheesier.

Kristin said...

Okay, this is kind of off-topic and possibly inappropriate, but that second comment there? That references "BM's" Nacho Cheese? Made me howl with laughter like a raunchy little boy. You know what else BM stands for, don't you? And you can picture the Nacho Cheese version in the toilet, can't you. HAAAAA!!

REALLY makes you want to put it on your wall now, right?

Okay, I'm totally done now. Sorry.

Lisa said...

I am up for a lot of colors, but nacho cheese would be hard. But I would love to see these paint chips! Very curious!

TwoBusy said...

New Hope Gray = chromatic equivalent of "always darkest before the dawn."

It's a metaphor. A metabenjaminmooreaphor.

Laggin said...

Ok, I adore, adore, adore
"metabenjaminmooreaphor." Cleverness-elite, that one is.

I'd have trouble with Nacho Cheese paint too. I actually think you could define my kids by the BM paint colors in their rooms...wish I could remember them all. Cookie Crumb is in Eldest's room...but there was more...3 more. Tutti Frutti, Tiger Fire and ___ Cream (like peach cream, or something) is in Younger's. And that's just so her, goofy, and on fire and sweet.

Sturdy Girl said...

I bet they're careful to name the paint in a way that no one could claim they didn't know their walls would turn out to be the color of Nacho Cheese, or Pepto Bismal or whatever. This way, you can't complain - I mean BMoore warned you!

Greg said...

Have you considered Amsonia Peach as an alternative? I believe its one of the Ben Options.

It's one of those delightful colors that changes depending on the time of day and light coming into the space. I've used it for the dining room here at the Nest and never regretted the choice.

Susan said...

jabel - no, but they do have American Cheese. No lie.

Steam - also the OPI nail polish names. I want to get on that team.

Patty - that would be perfect

Kristin - I believe that's processed cheese.

Lisa - but elephant blanket brocade you'd do, right? They totally need to hire me.

TwoBusy - I'm with Laggin on this one. Metabenjaminmooreaphore indeed.

Sturdy - ah, yes, Full Disclosure. I believe you've been getting your full disclosure in Swedish lately?

Greg - I'll be right over to check it out. I like tea with lemon.
But seriously, that looks like a good one (it's right here in my paint bible). Thanks!