My MiL's ride just showed up and I came out to say goodbye. I had been in the back of the house getting ready for work - which is an all-absorbing task. So when I looked out the big front windows I said something clever like, "oh! It's snowing." And my MiL said that yes she had heard it was going to do that. And she left.
As they made their way to the car, the driver said "it's not snowing..." I didn't hear the rest of it because they were walking away from me so the end of the sentence may have been "it is RUINING OUR LIVES."
If that was not the end of his statement, this proclamation presents two problems.
1) My MiL thinks I'm a liar. Since she gets a great deal of information from me (yes, all your pills are in the bowl. Yes, your socks match. No, the children are not killing each other), I need to at least appear to be trustworthy.
2) If it is not snowing, we are living in the town directly adjacent to Pompeii. I haven't bothered to go out and see for myself, but if it is not snow falling from the sky then it must be ash. From a volcano. And if we aren't ajacent to Pompeii, then we ARE Pompeii, except it all happens more slowly than we've been led to believe. Ash will suffocate us at the rate of 1/16th of an inch/hour. When archaeologists find a box of baby chickens, lovingly placed on top of our refrigerator, they will think "aha, she had time to prepare for this great tragedy!"
Suffocation by volcanic ash that falls at 1/16th of an inch per hour is diabolically sneaky. It's all soft and fluffy and you keep sweeping it aside and blowing it off your sunglasses until one morning you wake up and.... well actually, you don't wake up.
This is not, by the way, a metaphor for our economy.
Besides, I think a leaf blower would keep us safe for quite some time. From the ash, I mean. I haven't figured out how leaf blowers will help the economy. Except there will probably be a run on them once people figure out how potentially life-saving they could be.
There. It's your Trout Towers investment tip of the day. Use it wisely.