You know how people refer to "those elitist liberals?" They mean me.
I like snobby, highbrow things. I do not eat anything which involves pork rind. I feel a little ill at the thought of a boxed cake mix made with Coke in lieu of eggs. I use phrases like "in lieu of."
And yet, I am infatuated with mac and cheese pizza.
You read that right. It's just like a spinach, feta and sundried tomato pizza, except mac and cheese replaces the spinach, the feta, and the sundried tomatoes. It is wrong on so many levels, and yet nothing has ever been so right. I expressed this opinion to the maker of said pizza (at Wellfleet Town Pizza) and he said, "too bad you missed the tater tot pizza." Apparently not enough people ordered it to warrant keeping the tater tots handy by. Also, I imagine it was hard to keep from eating the tater tots.
me: I'd like a large tater tot pizza, please.
them: I'm sorry, we ate all the tater tots.
If you take in your own tater tots, they'll put them on a pizza for you without blinking an eye.
On our way home, Sugarplum asked me to make up a song. So I did.
There was no way to know
the pizza chef's ambition
would turn into something
so devoid of nutrition.
And now we are happy
eating noodles and cheese
on a pizza crust, 'stead of speckled with peas.
Mac and cheese, mac and cheese,
Mac and cheese on pizza
If you close your eyes,
slipping into denial,
you can kind of pretend
your health isn't on trial.
Now the scale, it's cracking
but I really don't care
Do you think they made up
our pie on a dare?
(baritone sax solo)
There's more, but I need to take a little nap and digest my pizza.