‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

my modeling job in Paris

I just updated my facebook status to say that I have a contract with a major modeling agency. For reasons I cannot fathom, people think it's a joke. It's so tragic to get a modeling contract on April Fool's day.

But seriously. Despite not having a modeling contract, I've decided it's time to shed those last few baby pounds. I know, I know, I somehow accrued these particular baby pounds before I conceived my first child. They're my pounds and I'll call them whatever I want.

I might even call them tenacious. Tenacious enough to attempt a diet.

I am being very well-behaved and have not cheated once in FOUR WHOLE DAYS. I have ten days to go before I get to indulge in decadent things like BROWN RICE. Woohoo.

I am not completely sure I will live that long. The first two weeks are supposed to cure my cravings for blueberry pie and brownies and oatmeal cookies and rootbeer floats and chocolate bread pudding and cheesecake and almond croissants and cupcakes and ice cream sundaes and birthday cake and butterscotch pudding and ginger snaps and banana bread and chocolate lava cake and peach melba and tiramisu.

It's not working.

Do people actually do this? Pick a diet that sounds reasonable and stick to it? It's not that I don't like the food on the diet. I do. My meals look more delicious than anyone else's. And I don't really have a sweet tooth in normal life. I prefer salty snacks. But now that I can't have it? Must. Have. Pie.

It's times like this that I can't remember why I thought losing weight was a good idea. If getting to eat normally means I wear a size larger than I'd like, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. It's just ONE SIZE.

Which means I don't have very far to go. Which means I can be normal soon?

What I dislike most about this process, besides the lack of pie, is how much power I am giving food. It's ridiculous. One diet says to eat this not that. Another diet says to eat that not this. And so we pick one and approach certain foods with fear and loathing. Which is silly. I believe food is good and food should be eaten. I believe much of what is sold as food is not actually food and should not be eaten.

I'm sorry I'm getting all soap-boxey. It's just that I really want pie. Or maybe a brownie. I would totally pipe down if I could have a brownie.

But if I'm giving power to food by being a total freak about what I am eating, am I not then balancing that power by working toward a break with my co-dependent relationship with brownies?

Oh, somebody please save me from myself.

And bring pie.

No wait, don't.

I...I...just don't know what I want anymore.

10 comments:

Dana's Brain said...

Apple or pecan? I am on my way sister!!

Sorry - that probably wasn't very supportive. Dieting is definitely hard, I did it a lot before I got married. Cabbage Soup diet? Gives me hives just thinking about it!

My word verification is "ousneris," is that a new kind of pie?

Rose Brier Studio said...

Diets don't work. It's true. What works is just eating less pie, brownies, tiramisu -- oops I'm probably making you hungry. The more one can't have something, the more one wants it, in all areas of life. Which is why diets don't work. (And I hope I don't sound preachy).

I think you would make a wonderful model just the way you are. I hear April in Paris is perfect!

TwoBusy said...

Dear Susan,

We miss you.

Love,
All the delicious baked goods in the world

Debbie said...

I thought you were that super thin waif on your profile pic!
I'll come over for pie. I love pie!

Celia said...

I have been on a damn serious diet for six months. You MUST buy Klondike Slim-A-Bear bars. They are 100 calories but so good that you would never know. They are so good my husband WITH THE GREAT METABOLISM WHO CAN EAT WHATEVER eats them. They are delicious. I promise.

Also, Little Debbie has 100 calorie treats and the Nutty Bars are pretty good.

Also, I have found that it is easier to justify spending 5 dollars on organic raspberries when I think that I would have spent that much on ice cream in the past.

Susan said...

Dana - Pecan, please. And I think ousneris is made with phyllo dough. Maybe some lemon zest. Probably honey.

Rose - I am sure you are right. Moderation is looking quite yummy right now.

Dear Delicious Baked Goods - I miss you, too. Please forgive me. May I come home now?

Debbie - I am. That's a portrait someone channeled of me in the '50s and used on a dress pattern envelope.

Celia - oh bless your heart! Thank you! I'm off to the store. mmmm, organic raspberries.....

Kristin @ Going Country said...

Ah, the age-old question. How bad do I really want to be size X? Bad enough to forgo things that make me happy?

I have yet to answer this question in the affirmative. For me, exercise is, sadly, the key. Suck. And so I haul myself down the road three times a week in a pretty wretched attempt at running. But it keeps me from going up any more sizes, and I eat pretty much what I want.

Of course, my mother is fond of reminding me that my metabolism will stage a revolt as soon as I turn 30, so I guess I'd better live it up for the next 9 months while I can.

Laggin said...

I spent last year losing 30pounds. Even though I have been hiding from the pounds so they wouldn't find me, 9 of the little bastards snuck their way back in. I think they found me in my sleep. I'm certain it has nothing to do with food.

Peace Turkey said...

This is precisely the reason I torture myself with running. The thought of dieting makes me want to bake. Thank god the weather is nice. At least a walk after an after dinner brownie will take away some of the guilt?

You know, people tell me that there are people who exist who really see food as survival and nothing else.

Healthier, yes... but how dull. :-D

My confirmation word is "nizeraps" - sounds like "brownie" in Wookie to me.

Ms Picket To You said...

mostly it's a liquid diet for me. wink wink.