I just updated my facebook status to say that I have a contract with a major modeling agency. For reasons I cannot fathom, people think it's a joke. It's so tragic to get a modeling contract on April Fool's day.
But seriously. Despite not having a modeling contract, I've decided it's time to shed those last few baby pounds. I know, I know, I somehow accrued these particular baby pounds before I conceived my first child. They're my pounds and I'll call them whatever I want.
I might even call them tenacious. Tenacious enough to attempt a diet.
I am being very well-behaved and have not cheated once in FOUR WHOLE DAYS. I have ten days to go before I get to indulge in decadent things like BROWN RICE. Woohoo.
I am not completely sure I will live that long. The first two weeks are supposed to cure my cravings for blueberry pie and brownies and oatmeal cookies and rootbeer floats and chocolate bread pudding and cheesecake and almond croissants and cupcakes and ice cream sundaes and birthday cake and butterscotch pudding and ginger snaps and banana bread and chocolate lava cake and peach melba and tiramisu.
It's not working.
Do people actually do this? Pick a diet that sounds reasonable and stick to it? It's not that I don't like the food on the diet. I do. My meals look more delicious than anyone else's. And I don't really have a sweet tooth in normal life. I prefer salty snacks. But now that I can't have it? Must. Have. Pie.
It's times like this that I can't remember why I thought losing weight was a good idea. If getting to eat normally means I wear a size larger than I'd like, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. It's just ONE SIZE.
Which means I don't have very far to go. Which means I can be normal soon?
What I dislike most about this process, besides the lack of pie, is how much power I am giving food. It's ridiculous. One diet says to eat this not that. Another diet says to eat that not this. And so we pick one and approach certain foods with fear and loathing. Which is silly. I believe food is good and food should be eaten. I believe much of what is sold as food is not actually food and should not be eaten.
I'm sorry I'm getting all soap-boxey. It's just that I really want pie. Or maybe a brownie. I would totally pipe down if I could have a brownie.
But if I'm giving power to food by being a total freak about what I am eating, am I not then balancing that power by working toward a break with my co-dependent relationship with brownies?
Oh, somebody please save me from myself.
And bring pie.
No wait, don't.
I...I...just don't know what I want anymore.