My dad used to tell me I had been born to a wealthy family across town who wanted to remain wealthy. He says he and my mom found me in a box on their doorstep.
He told me not to accept any dinner dates, because no one would ever marry me after he saw how much I could eat.
I used to call him the Easter Bunny, because in high school I was embarrassed by his pink-rimmed glasses and bow ties. He swore the frames were "flesh toned." When it came time for new frames, he ordered the pink ones because he liked his nickname.
When I was the only one with no boyfriend, my dad told me it was because I was tall and beautiful and, quite frankly, I scared all the boys. I still don't believe that was true, but he told me to keep it up anyway.
When a college professor intimidated me, he reminded me that PhD stands for "piled higher and deeper."
The year I went to college, I asked him what he would think if I came out as valedictorian. He told me he'd be proud, but he was afraid I'd miss out on a lot of fun. He wasn't sure it was worth it.
Dad had a little notebook he kept in his shirt pocket (no pocket protector, but only by the grace of God). He called it his brains. When we quizzed him if he remembered when our birthdays were, he'd check his brains.
I called my family when I was in Germany. Everyone was on the phone when I told them I was on my way to Italy. "But you don't speak Italian!" said my mom. "Get me some shoes!" said my sister. "How much is this call costing me?" said my dad.
After he died, I dreamed about him regularly. In one dream he asked why I never called him and I told him I didn't have his number. "Oh, you've ALWAYS had my number," he said.
You know how people always say you marry your dad? Well it was really, really hard to find someone who even came close. It was worth the wait.
Happy Father's Day to everyone worthy of the title "dad."