‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Thursday, August 6, 2009

pining

One of the chickens loves me. Like “Lassie, Come Home,” loves me. If I were to fall in a well, she would totally find a way to save me.

I know this because whenever I go into the chicken yard, she comes over and stands next to me until I pet her. No lie. I try not to do it because, you know, the neighbors. They think things.

Actually, my neighbors think things like, hmmm, I wonder if Susan is going to bring us fresh eggs now that she has more chickens. They also may think it's marvelous when we don't clean up our yard, because it makes them look better. For all anyone knows, there's a crack house on down the block. Really, who would notice a crack house when there's US? Us with our chickens and our home brew diesel still, hidden in the stump of the old tree....

Not really, but there's still time for that.

Anyway, I have a pet chicken. A friend of mine told me to break it off with the chicken. It's not a good idea, he says, to have them as pets. Because of the children, don't you know, and the inevitable heartbreak.

Which is hilarious.

In spite of all Sugarplum's sugarplumness, she will totally rock bio lab. And physics. If a hawk were to fly off with one of our chickens she would say “oh no!” and then she'd start puzzling over the torque and velocity required to lift a well-fed chicken into the air. And then she'd explain to me what torque is.

She takes good care of our chickens, but she realizes that hawks and foxes are taking care of their families, too. In bio lab, she will probably like looking at the insides of a pickled frog, lest she ever be in the position to stop a frog from choking.

When I was little, my dad ran over a chipmunk with the lawnmower. Not on purpose. He didn't even know he had done it. I found the bits and went on a Don't Ever Mow the Lawn Again rampage.

What I am trying to say here is that I am not a rational human being.

Spending so much time away from my family is making me even less rational. I know it sounds co-dependent, but I really like it when Sugarplum tells me everything's fine. I like it when Chris sits there doing something completely unrelated to my problem, and then says the exact perfect thing I need to know. And Studley is just Studley and I miss his Studleyness.

I also miss my pet chicken. But perhaps it's best this way.

6 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Why no chicken photos??? I feel so let down:-(

I would love to see the crazy suburban chicks??

Celia said...

chicken
You know, Reno, we should have teamed up years ago.
Susan:
We're two of a kind, all right.
Chicken
Partners!
Susan:
Through thick and thin!
Chicken:
Night and day!
Susan:
Right or wrong!
Chicken:
If you're ever in a jam, here I am.
Susan:
If you ever need a pal, I'm your gal.
Chicken:
If you ever feel so happy you land in jail,
I'm your bail.
Chicken and Susan:
It's friendship, friendship,
Just a perfect blendship,
When other friendships have been forgot
Ours will still be hot!
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-dig-dig-dig.
Chicken:
If you're ever down a well, ring my :
bell.
Susan If you ever catch on fire, send a wire.
Chicken:
If you ever lose your teeth
When you're out to dine,
Borrow mine.
Chicken and Susan:
It's friendship, friendship,
Just a perfect blendship,
When other friendships have ceased to jell
Ours will still be swell!
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-hep-hep-hep.
Susan:
If they ever black your eyes, put me wise.
Chicken:
If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose.
Susan:
If they ever put a bullet through your brr-ain
I'll complain.
Chicken and Susan:
It's friendship, friendship,
Just a perfect blendship,
When other friendships go up in smoke,
Ours will still be oke!
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-goof-goof-goof.
Chicken:
If you ever lose your mind, I'll be kind.
Susan:
If you ever lose your shirt, I'll be hurt.
Chicken:
If you're ever in a mill and get sawed in half,
I won't laugh.
Chicken and Susan:
It's friendship, friendship,
Just a perfect blendship,
When other friendships have been 'forgate'
Ours will still be great!
Susan:
If they ever crack your spine, drop a line.
Chicken:
If they ever cut your throat, write a note.
Susan:
If they ever make a cannibal stew of you,
Invite me too!
Chicken and Susan:
It's friendship, friendship,
Just a perfect blendship,
When other friendships are up the crick,
Ours will still be slick!
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-
Chicken:
Quack-quack-quack
Susan:
Woof-woof-woof
Chicken and Susan:
When other friendships have been forgot,
Ours will still be hot!
Chicken:
cluck- cluck-cluck
Susan:
ooooooohhh yeaaaaaahhhh

Susan said...

Hit 40 - I believe that can be arranged!

Celia - oh my lord, thank you. I can't tell you how much I needed to laugh.

TwoBusy said...

Your "not on purpose" clarifiation made me cackle like a bastard.

Dana's Brain said...

I would like to see the choreographed dance steps that go along with that song!

My Dad was a zoology major in college and taught HS Biology for years. Imagine his dismay when I got a C. Thing is, now I love all that stuff.

Lisa said...

While they don't appeal to me, it turns out chickens can be very loving. I have a couple friends who had chickens as pets. One of them named her pair Romeo and Juliette. They used to peck hello at her window in the morning.