Okay, all you parents in real life, I need some help here. Because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. My children got a fake parent, with no actual parenting skills.
Do I have this right? I'm supposed to walk my daughter down the street at an ungodly hour of the morning. A bus will arrive. I put my daughter, and a little piece of my soul, on the bus. I do not know where she's going (okay, I know where the building is). I don't know who she will be spending the day with. I don't know what she's supposed to take with her. I don't know what the heck I'm doing.
Where are the people who are supposed to be holding my hand? I want an orientation day! No, not for Sugarplum, she's fine. It's for me. I want to know what her desk looks like. Does her room have windows? Does her teacher smile? Where on earth is the bathroom? Sweet LORD how do people do this?
The only thing I can think of to do is to cut some holes in a black trash bag, glue some leaves on it and wear it to her school. No one will notice me.
While I am gluing leaves, I'm open to other ideas. Camera in her headband? Oh! Maybe we can hack the school surveillance system! But what I'm asking you is, what do NORMAL people do on the first day of school?
Now lest you think I'm a helicopter mom, I....
Well I guess I might be.
Forget the parenting advice, can you suggest a hobby? Or you could suggest a hobby AND tell me this is all normal protocol. I'll be the one in the corner, eying the sedatives.