I have caught Sugarplum trying to keep me from breaking.
I don't know why I'm so fragile right now. I miss my solitude. I am tired of doing everything for everyone. I'm tired of people complaining. I'm tired of being taken for granted. I'm tired of not being able to work on my own projects. I miss being able to disappear for an afternoon without asking someone. I resent that Chris can disappear for a day without asking someone. I miss and resent and envy and mourn.
I love love love Sugarplum and Studley. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I don't know what I want.
I want to not feel sad when my MiL won't eat what I've made for dinner.
I want to not feel taken for granted when I find myself alone with the kids, again.
I want more hours in the day so I can have some solitude without giving up my family time.
I want more hours in the day so I can make some progress on my own career alongside my full time job of keeping the family alive and well.
You're imagining how difficult it must be to deal with me, but really, it's not. What you hear now? It doesn't come out. It just sits there, inside. Where Sugarplum sees it.
And she does her best to keep me from breaking.