‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Saturday, March 13, 2010

of goats and undergarments (not in)

I have always been jealous of Chris' job. Not so much the plugging things in and making things work part as the going out and listening to live music part. Every time I try to justify a night out with the girls and cite all the nights he's been out listening to music, he pulls the "I am a sound engineer and they are paying me" card. And then I'm supposed to feel all bad for him because all he does is work work work and he never has any fun and boo hoo for Chris.

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out, but I finally wised up and got a job at a theater. As part of my job, I have to go see live theater at least a couple times a month. I am a genius.

Last night I went to my first job-related performance. When I asked the production manager if I could come, he said "yes. But for marketing purposes only. You're not allowed to enjoy yourself."* I assured him I was only coming because of my deep commitment to my job. It had nothing to do with my deep commitment to getting out of the house and mingling with like-minded adults.

I don't get out much, so the "what to wear" question was an issue. What are arty, theater types wearing these days? I settled on a long, black dress that doesn't fit me very well in the first place and is constructed poorly in the second place so I have to pretend it's strapless because by the end of the evening it has scooted around to the point of being essentially strapless. I remedy both issues by wearing a rubberized condensing tube, which extends from my knees to my armpits.

Question: When you wear a rubberized condensing tube, where does the rest of you go? Do you get taller?

Since I live in a community where people try not to look like they dressed up on purpose, I had to dress down with a pair of riding boots. I have these Frye boots I found in a consignment shop on Newbury Street years ago - which I've realized were in the consignment shop because they are steel belted and you feel like Cinderella's sister getting into them.

Between the tube and the boots, it took me about 45 minutes to get dressed, leaving me a little sweaty and out of breath.

I arrived at the theater unable to breath comfortably and with the sneaking suspicion that my boots were giving me muffin tops. There were a few people in the box office, who I let clear out before asking my coworker where the VIP employee seating was. She invited me to come around to her side of the ticket window, at which point I noticed she had a baby goat sleeping in a banana box behind her desk.

Apparently I work for the little theater that Kafka built.

Let me here state that this is not a Waiting for Guffman type theater (not that there's anything wrong with that). Last year they did things like The Blue Room by David Hare, The Bald Soprano by Eugene Ionesco and Speech and Debate by Stephen Karam. They do exactly the kind of theater I want to go see. And they have a company goat.

Take that, Chris. It's work.

*I am their marketing director. This potentially puts my blog into the murky area of posts for pay whenever I write about things that happen at work. I have resolved this by writing posts of no value whatsoever.


TwoBusy said...

There are so many things about this post that make me happy, I don't know where to begin.

The goat?

Too easy.

Jett Superior said...

You should throw some time into investigating what the cosmos is trying to tell you with all this goat business, pard.

I mean really.

just making my way said...

Rubberized condensing tool sounds so much cooler then "shaper" or (god-forbid)"girdle!"

Does the company goat have a name?

Susan said...

According to my neighborhood Native American authority (Google), goats are a symbol of tenacity and perseverance.

Bella said...

at least the story didn't end with the goat eating your undergarments!
maybe you need to add to goat to the towers homestead, just to keep the chickens company.

Cheryl said...

All that was missing was a picture of you at the end of the evening to make me laugh harder. I'm envisioning Gilda Radner getting out of the cab the morning after the one night stand.

All Adither said...

I chuckled for days about you not knowing it was bring your goat to work day. Sounds like a cool job.

Susan said...

Bella, there's still time for that.

Cheryl, that's a very accurate mental image.

All Adither, it's a very cool job with very cool people. And goats. I should put goats on my list of benefit requirements.

Lemon Gloria said...

Goats will eat anything. Mind your undergarments.

Also, Ionesco's Rhinoceros is one of my favorites, although I've only read it, not seen it.

Greg said...

It always makes me so happy to read your stuff - you make me laugh, but only in all the best ways!

I especially loved (and felt) the bit about living in an area where folks try to look like they didn't dress up.

:D Thanks.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

The company goat!! I love it. And I want to have a local theater company that does productions like that. Ours is more like Waiting For Guffman, but that is appealing in its way, too. Especially when you're the star. ;)

Bejewell said...

Generally speaking, the rubberized tube creates a muffin-top-bottom effect. Rather than making you taller, it just makes you extra puffy on both ends.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I"m trying like heck to imagine what one would look like wearing a black dress over steel-belted radial tubes and riding boots. I mean, what kind of earrings did you wear? Because I think that would help me picture it all. (You're funny! I'm glad Amy introduced us!) I'd have come over sooner, but I'm sort of vacationing in Hawaii at the moment.

KLZ said...

I believe that while you are wearing your rubberized condensing tube the rest of the world gets incrementally less condensed. It's physics.

judge chief charly hoarse said...

Thanks for the goat story, though I probably don't need the encouragement.