In fairness, I didn't believe my story either.
So imagine my surprise when I found myself with three operas and two ballets to review in the next two weeks.
I will be more cultured than any yogurt money can buy.
Here are my observations so far:
Observation number one
Ballet audiences are way better dressed than opera audiences. It's like opera audiences are TRYING to look like over-educated academics. I mean, I know they ARE over-educated academics, but come on now. Granted, I should count my blessings because the academics are some of the better dressed ones. The woman in front of me last night was wearing a black t-shirt with a rhinestone pattern that formed an elaborate necktie.
Furthermore, when did reusable shopping bags become acceptable alternatives to handbags?
Observation number two
Did the young couple snogging in front of me pay for their orchestra section seats and if so, did they not know you can get a nice hotel room for that same $340+ dollars?
Possibly related: get off my lawn you hoodlums.
Observation number three
If you get drunk before an opera and giggle throughout, make sure it's a comedy. Actually, scratch that. I like hearing people giggle.
Observation number four
I'm fine with people being comfortable at the opera and wearing whatever they want because I think more people should just shut up and go. It's that I also want the performance to extend off the stage and into the lobby. I feel cheated.
I try to fit these observations into my reviews, but short of writing them in code or uploading them as an image, they have not made the editorial cut.
Which is why God made blogs.
If I write anything vaguely entertaining about what I'm reviewing, I'll be sure to let you know. In the meantime, I'd like to go on the record as saying that these shoes make my feet hurt and that I will only hot roller my hair for press seats valued at over $150.