‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Jedi Yoga

I get through yoga class by pretending it's Jedi training.

I do this because I think it may actually be Jedi training. Why else would people do it? It's the only way some of the stuff they make us do makes sense. It's also the only way some of this could possibly be possible. You have to use the force rather than just plain forcing it, or you fall over.

You know you're in Jedi training when you hear something like "float your left leg up toward the ceiling." I don't know about you, but my legs do not float anywhere. How does this phrase make any sense at all unless it's about Jedi mind tricks? Like when you can't get the waiter to bring you a clean fork so you float one across the restaurant from the wait station yourself.

Speaking of forks, I sometimes combine my Jedi training with being The One. You know: There is no spoon. I figure the only way my teacher gets into that twist where she looks like a pretzel and I look like a squashed bug is by knowing there is no spoon/body. There is no yoga teacher and she's not actually doing the pose, she's just visualizing her body all twisted up. Et voila. When I do this I picture my actual, physical body curled up in bed while my Matrix body mirrors my teacher.

When I do Ashtanga (or, more accurately, when I do whatever it is I do when in an Ashtanga class) I sometimes imagine I'm sparring with Laurence Fishburne. At the very least it entertains me to the point of not wishing for instant death.

I've experienced varying degrees of success in my training. I have yet to float anything anywhere and Morpheus is still laying me flat. But there are moments of Jedi glory. Just this morning, in fact, I walked into class and noticed another woman heading toward my favorite spot. I said "that is not the place in class you seek." She looked at me briefly and headed off to the far corner.

It's totally working.


Rose Brier Studio said...

I'm just totally laughing so loud the boys have come in from the other room to see what is so humorous. It is of course lovely that I get all the references!

Heather said...

Hi i’m Heather! I have a question for you! Please email me :)

Ambley said...

I think one of these days I'm going to make your blog be next month's book club book.

Susan said...

Oooh, Ambley, that shows that my Jedi mind tricks are working.... xxoo

Leslie said...

I hate it when I miss your posts. Funny stuff, girl!