‎"...a little 'trouty', but quite good" ~ Eve Kendall, North By Northwest

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

the nature of hate

You know that Freudian slip joke? Where the man asks what a Freudian slip is and then says something like "oh, like this morning when I meant to ask my wife to pass the jam and instead I said 'you ruined my life you stupid *****'"?

I've been having that.

Except I don't have a wife.

I have someone who is persistently and mercilessly mean. Think "passive aggressive" with the passive part worn off.

I start each day thinking "this is the day I will let it all roll off!" I sometimes last an hour. But before long, she says something that makes me want to take a swing at her with my coffee mug. I don't because 1) I love my handmade coffee mugs, 2) I make good coffee and 3) It's not a nice thing to do.

In that order.

I would also be charged with assault, but trust me, no jury would convict.

It takes everything I've got to not meet meanness with meanness.*  If I did, I would feel sick about it all day and she would remember neither the offense nor the retort. What's the point of that? She doesn't remember the things she says because they're not the point. There is no target. She's angry and scared and maybe by spewing vitriol she thinks the vitriol will leave her system. (It doesn't, so don't try this at home.)

There's a great quote from (someone on the internet who is probably not actually) Buddha: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

I've been holding onto a lot of anger. Like the man in the joke, my response to a question like "did anyone make coffee" is "I hate you." I can't remember the last time I actually said "I hate you" out loud to someone. Except maybe that time my friend fit into her regular jeans the day after she delivered a baby.

Obviously, I don't hate my friend (although I still think she's a jerk and should at least be showing some signs of age or something). And I don't hate the person who says vile things to me. I hate that she's unable to get all the crap out of her system without flinging it at me.

This morning I realized hate is like a usb charger. It doesn't do anything unless it gets connected to something. But once you plug it in - usually to something you wish would go away - it sucks the life out of you. And it makes the hated thing an even bigger deal. It takes over your day because you can't stop thinking about it and arguing with it. It can't do that on its own.

The flip side of that quote is also true. If someone drinks poison, it will not kill you - no matter how loudly they yell the specifics of that poison's properties at you.

I think I can practice this for a full ten minutes at a time. I don't know why this has to be part of my life, but if there's a lesson in it, I'd like to learn it and get it over with.

Today, I will not drink the poison.

*Shut up, I can too be mean.


(My friend Jennifer sent me this, ducking before I could swing anything at her.)

94 comments:

writer.elh@gmail.com said...

I have to tell myself that almost every day- 'Today I will not drink the poison.' After a while, it becomes ingrained and you learn tolerance. But man, does it seem like a long road.

Imogen said...

I'm in a similar fix at work, and am sending sympathy waves.

Steve Swain said...

I'm glad you are not still working at my place. Puts my mind at ease.... a little

Tazer Warrior Princess said...

I am prone to bouts of "drinking the poison", too. It really does make you unhappy... I'm usually reduced to a homicidal wreck before the problem ends up being resolved.

Don't ruin your cups, the target isn't worth it.

Anonymous said...

There's a reason for tattooing love and hate on the four fingers of each hand. You can't have one without the other, or, if you can, it's a bitch to strike a match. Love gets all the good press.
Hate hates doing interviews. The trick is how you play each hand without being played.

Susan said...

Thanks everybody. I like being in a boat with you. Even you, Steve.

New internet sensation: "The trick is how you play each hand without being played." - Anonymous

Logical Libby said...

I would just say "you're being mean, I am not going to deal with you like this."

Or I would invest in cheap coffee mugs.

Kerri said...

Don't drink the poison, get cake.

Celia said...

http://breederbeware.blogspot.com/2011/06/cd-20.html

Celia said...

If we're talking about who I suspect we are, I am so there girl.

Kerri said...

Hi there

I wanted to let you know that I love your blog. I was nominated for a Liebster award and part of the fun is nominating blogs I love. Thanks for always making my day.

http://undiagnosedbutokay.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-holy-crap-moment.html


Kerri (PS, Sugarplum & Allie used to go to school together. But that's not why you won!)

Celia said...

Well if I am ever by your way, we can go get some coffee. SOME IRISH COFFEE. ahaha I am just a scootch from Philly if you are ever near.

Susan said...

Celia, I used to be near Philly All The Time. Rats. I'd love to weep into coffee with you.

Saeed Zia said...

Many people want to See Sport Cars of International and beautiful Sport Racing Cars, The Best and Latest Sport Racing Car HyperSport Car, Sport Vehicles, Most Popular Concept Cars, upcoming racing cars and more strange vehicles with pictures and Information
WorldLatestVehicles.Com

Anonymous said...

url=http://www.lovelouisvuittonbags.co.uk/]louis vuitton purses[/url][/b] Even so, when you purchasing handbag for your like on this Valentine Day, you want to build positive you get a lot more details regarding Replica Louis Vuitton Shopping bags rely on worthy. Therefore you may well ask me, wherever did my boyfriend for getting Reproduction Louis Vuitton Wholesale handbags as Valentines Day gift for me? He told me that now the manufacture with replica louis vuitton outlet keep presents different Affordable Louis Vuitton Searching bags on line at favorable total, which building just about every owner of a very pleased, when you store for Reproduction Louis Vuitton Purses. Replica Louis Vuitton Purses are acknowledged for their terrific excellent.

muhammad ibraheem said...

Best Beautiful Cars, Latest Hot Vehicles, Strange Cars, Super Cars Model, Funny Cars, Car Latest Models, Cars with Girls, Cars like helicopter and Most Speed and Expensive Cars
WorldLatestVehicles.com

muhammad ibraheem said...

Social Media Marketing is a very easy way for Marketing and Advertising, Now you can Get Facebook Likes, Twitter Followers, Favorites, Youtube Views,Subscribes,Likes, Google Plus Followers, Stumbleupon Followers, Digg Followers, Websites Visitors and Much More.
Just Visit the Website and Start Promoting now without any Charges
GetLikeFast.com

tahir sumar said...

Latest Hot Current Affairs, Entertainment News, Pictures, Videos, Latest Hot News updates, Business News, Online Marketing, Online Jobs, Mp3 Tunes, Latest Ringtones, Bollywood Girls, Entertainment Girls, Hot Girls and Most popular Affairs in the World
Daily News updates about Latest and Hot Current Affairs
HotCurrentAffairs.com

zahid ahmed said...

Many of the Online Jobs and Online Earning System in internet online Business, but here is a best and legit online earning systems with life time opportunity.
www.jobzcorner.com

Muhammad Khalid said...

Free Facebook Likes, Free Targeted Facebook Likes, Make Unlimited Likes on your Facebook Fan Page, Facebook Share, Facebook Followers, Facebook Post Like and Share, Twitter Followers, Twitter Tweets, Twitter Favorites, Google Follow, LinkedIn share, Youtube Views Likes and Subscribes
Social Media Marketing is the easy way to increase your Folow Likes and Subsribes
getlikefast.com

news said...

Internet Online System is very usefull and Billions of Peoples use Internet and Many of the peoples want to make money online from home and make online business for a life time
We have the best Online earning System with Data Entry Jobs, Online Jobs, Network Marketing, SMS Earning, and Much More Online Work From home, Skype : Jobz.Corner
JobzCorner.Com

muhammed waqar said...

What is Lol...? Every thing you want in Lol and Troll, Now you Get all in one Network, ThatIsLol.. Lol Pictures, Lol Videos, Lol Peoples, Funny Peoples, Troll Images, troll pictures, funny pictures, Facebook pictures, facebook funny pictures, facebook lol pictures, Funny videos and Much More only Laughing out of Laughing
lolsgag.com

zain ul abidin kk said...

Any thing you want in Entertainment for Fun... Entertainment Articles, Entertainment News, Entertainment Pictures, Bollywood, Hollywood and Lollywood Pictures and Videos, Entertainment Latest updates, Hot Entertainment News and Pictures Funny Entertainment Pictures, lol Pictures, Funny Pictures and Much More Fun Only on 1 Current Affairs Network
hotcurrentaffairs.com

waqas farooq said...

Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Lol Videos, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited. Visit the Best Lol Network Ever, where you can every thing is lol and Funny, Troll Images, Funny Vidoes, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Epic Videos, Prank Videos, Fail Videos and Much More Fun and Entertainment
lolsgag.com

waqas farooq said...

Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Lol Videos, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited. Visit the Best Lol Network Ever, where you can every thing is lol and Funny, Troll Images, Funny Vidoes, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Epic Videos, Prank Videos, Fail Videos and Much More Fun and Entertainment
lolsgag.com

muhammad kumail said...

Earn Money Launch a New Earning System on Facebook, the best Social Media Website where you can share some fun and earn with us, Share some pictures on Facebook and earn on every pictures you post or share. Unlimited Facebook Wall Sharing and Unlimited Earning.
Earn with Making Facebook Ids, Make Unlimited Facebook Ids and Get 10$ on Every FB Id.
jobzcorner.com

saleem mohd. said...

Free Social Media Marketing where Every thing will be Free, Facebook Likes, Twitter Followers, Twitter Tweets, Twitter Re-Tweets, Twitter Favorites, Google Plus Followers, StumbleUpon Followers, Youtube Views, Youtube Likes, Youtube Subsribes, Pinterest Followers, Pinterest Likes, Pinterest PinIt, Free Website Visitors.
Just Join now and Free Increase your Social Media Networks.
GetLikeFast.com

waqas farooq said...

You See Current Affairs in Google, Yahoo or Bing..??? Here is a Best Network of Latest all Hot Current Affairs and News updates. All Hot Current Affairs about Entertainment, Classifieds, Mp3, Funny, Wallpapers, Pictures, Videos, Online Jobs, Online Marketing, Hot News, Hot Updates, Article and Latest News, Latest Mp3 Tunes, Internet Online Jobs, Facebook and Marketing Jobs, Online Marketing, Facebook Marketing, SEO Marketing, Latest Funny Entertainment Hot and Lol pictures and Much More Current Affairs Fun
hotcurrentaffairs.com

TALHA AKHTAR-UL-QADRI said...

Billions of Internet Users Search Online Jobs on internet and Make Perfect Business from home, Internet World Wide Online Jobs and Business Plans.
Genuines Works of Data Entry, Copy Pasting, Add Posting, Clicking, Web Surfing, Website Visiting, Article Sharing, Data Sharing, Google Business Plan and Much More Business Plans.
www.jobzcorner.com

ghulam abid said...

Every thing will be Free, Facebook Likes, Twitter Followers, Twitter Tweets, Twitter Re-Tweets, Twitter Favorites, Google Plus Followers, StumbleUpon Followers, Youtube Views, Youtube Likes, Youtube Subsribes, Pinterest Followers, Pinterest Likes, Pinterest PinIt, Free Website Visitors.
Just Join now and Free Increase your Social Media Networks.
GetLikeFast.com

Habeib Khan said...

Lols Gag is the the Best Lol Network Ever, where you can every thing is lol and Funny, Troll Images, Funny Vidoes, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Epic Videos, Prank Videos, Fail Videos and Much More Fun and Entertainment, Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Lol Videos, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited.
lolsgag.com

hamad uzair said...

World Most popular Upcoming Latest cars and vehicles, Latest Mazda Models, Racing Cars, International Sport Cars, Concept Cars, PS-Pod, Strange Vehicles, Nissan, Royce Corniche, Ford Concept Cars, Strange Vehicles, Mercedes and More Sport Cars and Vehicles with Pictures and Info
WorldLatestVehicles.com

hammad sohail said...

Forex Affaris.. Latest Currency news updates, latest forex trading business updates, trading updates, forex trading latest news, forex brokers directory, forex brokers list, Dollars news affairs, Stock Markets, stock market news, stock market analysis, technology news, international forex markets, international forex business news and all updates about Forex Trading
ForexAffairs.Com

feroz khan said...

Want to Learn Forex Trading and earn with Forex Business...?? The best Forex Trading Learning Website where you can get any thing about Forex, Trading updates, forex trading latest news, forex brokers directory, forex brokers list, Dollars news affairs, Stock Markets, stock market news, stock market analysis, technology news, international forex markets, international forex business news and all updates about Forex Trading
ForexAffairs.Com

hasnain raza said...

Lols Gag is the the Best Lol Network Ever, where you can every thing is lol and Funny, Troll Images, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, funny planet, funny facts, funny cartoons, funny movies pics, iphone funny, funny jokes, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited.
lolsgag.com

bilalpress said...

Latest cars and vehicles, Latest Mazda Models, Racing Cars, International Sport Cars, Concept Cars, PS-Pod, Strange Vehicles, Nissan, Royce Corniche, Ford Concept Cars, Strange Vehicles, Mercedes and More Sport Cars and Vehicles with Pictures and Info
WorldLatestVehicles.com

bilalpress said...

Latest cars and vehicles, Latest Mazda Models, Racing Cars, International Sport Cars, Concept Cars, PS-Pod, Strange Vehicles, Nissan, Royce Corniche, Ford Concept Cars, Strange Vehicles, Mercedes and More Sport Cars and Vehicles with Pictures and Info
WorldLatestVehicles.com

Tauheed Sohail said...

Lol and Funny, Troll Images, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, funny planet, funny facts, funny cartoons, funny movies pics, iphone funny, funny jokes, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited.
lolsgag.com

Uhu work said...

Make Money Online Without any work, You can Invest as low as 1$ Dollar to 100$ Dollars and Get Daily profit of 2.50% for 90 Days.
Minimum Withdraw 1 and Instant Payout with PayPal, EgoPay and Perfect Money
Join Now
http://www.hotfxearnings.com/

samad abbas said...

Top Ten Classified Website List, Pakistani Classified Sites, USA Classifieds, Indian Classifieds, Entertainment Articles, Entertainment News, Entertainment Pictures, Bollywood, Hollywood and Lollywood Pictures and Videos, Entertainment Latest updates, Hot Entertainment News and Pictures Funny Entertainment Pictures, lol Pictures, Funny Pictures and every thing you want...
www.hotcurrentaffairs.com

Dinesh gir said...

Lol n Troll Network with the Name of Lols Gag where you can find Videos, Gif Images, Troll Images, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, funny planet, funny facts, funny cartoons, funny movies pics, iphone funny, funny jokes, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Lols and Gags.
LolsGag.Blogspot.Com

samad abbas said...

Troll Images, Prank Peoples, Funny Peoples, funny planet, funny facts, funny cartoons, funny movies pics, iphone funny, funny jokes, Prank Images, Fail Pictures, Epic Pictures, Lols and Gags, Lol Pictures, Funny Pictures, Lol is the Laugh out of Laugh where you can Fun Unlimited and Laughing Unlimited.
LolsGag.Blogspot.Com

samad abbas said...

Genuines Works of Data Entry, Copy Pasting, Facebook Posting, Add Posting, Link Posting, Clicking, Web Surfing, Website Visiting, Article Sharing, Data Sharing, Google Business Plan and Much More Business Plans.
www.onlinecornerz.ocm

Dinesh gir said...

Visit for any Online Jobs from Home
OnlineJobs

Uhu work said...

Now 1st time ever in Internet World, Facebook Earning program has been Launch, Now you Car earn money online with Just use Facebook and earn unlimited. Post a Picture on Facebook and Get $0.07 per Post.
www.OnlineCornerz.Com

samad abbas said...

Genuines Works of Data Entry, Copy Pasting, Facebook Posting, Add Posting, Link Posting, Clicking, Web Surfing, Website Visiting, Article Sharing, Data Sharing, Google Business Plan and Much More Business Plans.
www.onlinecornerz.com

hasnain raza said...

Best Business Plans without any work, Get your investment double in 30 Days
EarningsClub.com

Dinesh gir said...

Latest Automotive Information with Pictures, latest speedy cars, top vehicles
TopAmazingCars.BlogSpot.Com

hasnain raza said...

World's Most Popular Amazing Cars.
TopAmazingCars.blogspot.com

Uhu work said...

Top 7 Expensive Cars Info and Wallpapers
TopAmazingCars.BlogSpot.Com

hasnain raza said...

Searching for some new Facebook Covers Online...??? Here is the best for Fb Covers, All type of Covers, Ramadan, Eid, Festivals, Exhibitation, Celebrities and Much More
UniqueFbCovers.Com

Jason Clark said...

For All Latest Hot Current Affairs
www.hotcurrentaffairs.com

Dinesh gir said...

Female Celebrties Facebook Covers, Most Popular Fb Covers in the Industry
UniqueFbCovers.Com

Ahsan Afsar said...

World Most Popular and Top Amazing Speedy Cars
TopAmazingCars.BlogSpot.Com

Dinesh gir said...

Home Based Business Join Now without any Work
Earn 400% within a Month
Payout within 24 Hours with Perfect Money, OkPay and EgoPay
Join Now
Dollar-Inv.co

hasnain raza said...

Power of an Investment is Dollar Invest, Now you can invest as low as $5 and get double profit within a week
Dollar-inv.co

Ahsan Afsar said...

Online Jobs of Data Entry and Copy Pasting with Jobz Corner
JobzCorner.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

Online Jobs, work from home, part time online jobs, just join any where in the world
Fb.com/JobzCornerz
JobzCorner.com

hasnain raza said...

All Time Profit is best platform for best profit online on internet, earn 1.50% hourly for 200 hours, total 300% profit within a week
AllTimeProfit.com

Syed Kazim Ali said...

Online Business with hourly profit, Just Invest and Rest
AllTimeProfit.com

hasnain raza said...

Find best online jobs from home
JobzCorner

Dinesh gir said...

Best Investment Plan with PayPal PayPal PayPal
Payout within 24 Hours with Perfect Money, PayPal, OkPay and EgoPay
Join Now
AllTimeProfit.com

najma love said...

Join for Best Online Home based Jobs
JobzCorner

hasnain raza said...

Online Jobs on Blogs, Just Post a Comment on any blog site and earn $0.06 per Link, Just Like this, Visit and Click on Link Relation
JobzCorner.com

hasnain raza said...

Online Jobs on Blogs, Just Post a Comment on any blog site and earn $0.06 per Link, Just Like this, Visit and Click on Link Relation
JobzCorner.com

Jason Clark said...

For Lol and Funny Pictures online, download any picture any time just for laugh lols
www.lolsgag.com

Anwar Fazil said...

All Funny and Lols Gag Photos and Videos, funny facts, funny cartoons all Funny planet on lols and Gags
LolsGag.com

najma love said...

Earn with Best Business Plans ever where you can make money online from home without any work, just invest with PayPal and get Double profit within a week
AllTimeProfit.com

hasnain raza said...

Online Corner is the best Platform to earn money online from internet, Just Join Now and start earnings
OnlineCornerz.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

Online Business as low as $1, Join Now and Get Best Business from Home without any work
AllTimeProfit.com

Syed Kazim Ali said...

Online Business with hourly profit, Just Invest and Rest
AllTimeProfit.com

hasnain raza said...

Get your website on google top 10 Results, Best Search Engine Optimization Company in Pakistan
Contact Now
Skype : Jobz.Corner
www.jobzcorner.com

najma love said...

Get More News about Politicians of Pakistan, visit our this page for more details, President Pasban Pakistan Altaf Shakoor Official
AltafShakoorOfficial

Rehan Ahmed said...

Funny and Lol Pictures only on this online network in the world, online gags
LolsGag.com

Anwar Fazil said...

Most Popular Latest Hot Current Affairs on this Network, News updates, hot updates, hot news
HotCurrentAffairs.com

hasnain raza said...

Business at home...??? want to join the best business without any work, just invest and rest
www.earningsclub.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

aGet Facebook Likes on your fb page, likes on your facebook pictures, followers on your facebook id, shares of your facebook posts, every thing is available here, visit for more details
www.jobzcorner.com

Ahsan Afsar said...

Find best business plan from home without any work, just invest $1 and get 120% Total Profit within a week
EarningsClub.Com

Syed Kazim Ali said...

Best Business Club of Earnings, Hourly Stable Plans Like 1% Hourly for 120 Hours, Total 120% Profit within 5 Days
EarningsClub.com

hasnain raza said...

Online Jobs, Just Post a Comment on any blog site and earn $0.06 per Link, Just Like this post, Visit and Click on Link Relation
JobzCorner.com

Danish Here said...

Earning is on the way for you, any time get income, best hourly stable plans
EarningsClub.com

Dinesh gir said...

Get Likes on your Facebook Profile Picture, Facebook Shares, Facebook Comments, Youtube Views Comments and Likes and All Social Media Likes and Follows
Contact Now Skype : Jobz.Corner
JobzCorner.com

hasnain raza said...

Play Games and Earn Money online from home, best add clicking website in the world
PaidVerts.com

Anwar Fazil said...

Best Gaming and Add Clicking Website where you can make $100 per Day, Join now
PaidVerts.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

Get Free Online Jobs from home, best ad clicking work, join now
JobzCorner.com/FreeEarning

Danish Here said...

Want Likes on your Facebook Profile Pictures, Comments or Shares on your photos and fb status, just click on this link and contact us now
www.jobzcorner.com

ahmedraza moon said...

Get Facebook Likes on your fb page, likes on your facebook pictures, followers on your facebook id, shares of your facebook posts, every thing is available here, visit for more details
www.jobzcorner.com

Anwar Fazil said...

Earn Money Online without any investment, latest Paid to Click Site with Many types of earnings, Add Clicking, Games and Referrals.
AdsClickEarning.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

Viewing the ads, playing games, upgrade plans, more earnings, referral earnings, bonus points and more, join now
Paidverts.com

Syed Kazim Ali said...

Best Business Club of Earnings, Hourly Stable Plans Like 1% Hourly for 120 Hours, Total 120% Profit within 5 Days
EarningsClub.com

Anwar Fazil said...

Easy Earning, Playing Games, Earn Money by Just Viewed Some Ads, 10% Referral Commission with Payza, Perfect Money and EgoPay
AdsClickEarning.com

irfan a.r said...

Online Easy Jobs from home with data entry, copy pasting, facebook jobs
www.jobzcorner.com

Danish Here said...

Advertise your business now online, just click on Advertise in our Website and choose which Space you will be spacified for your business or website
ACE.com

Rehan Ahmed said...

Best and Top Ten PTC Site in the World, join best program with 7 best upradable plans, Earn upto $35 Daily
AdsClickEarning.com